I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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