I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
