I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just google imaged poop.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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