honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
