And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
