you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
