Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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