his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
