New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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