Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
