i was born a porn star she said
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
