i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
