When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
