I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
