No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
