Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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