Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
