you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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