she smelled like a LAN party
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
