Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
