plz talk dirty to me
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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