so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
