kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
