im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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