You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
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I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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