she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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