question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
