Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This girl is more easily done than said...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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