Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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