We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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