I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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