I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
the liver wants what the liver wants
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
