That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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