when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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