after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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