I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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