I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
