ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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