Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
