I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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