why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
