U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
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All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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