Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
