I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I still have a little drunk in my system
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
