A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
