can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
