Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I could fuck to npr.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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