U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
