you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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