hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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