just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I met the friendliest cop last night
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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