You smell like stripper and shame
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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