so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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