Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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