Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think i got beer on your cat.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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