I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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