Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
