everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
