I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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