What did we do last night that was yellow?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
