i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
