she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
