i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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