i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of
Let's paint friendship bongs
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.