I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before