I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions