Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
