Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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