I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
