I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
