my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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