someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
