I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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